Navigating Tricky Conversations as Middle Leaders
Determine the right conversation.
In the world of work, middle leaders play a crucial role in bridging the gap between school administrators and classroom teachers. They are responsible for managing their teams and fostering an environment where open and constructive communication thrives. One of the key aspects of this role is effectively handling difficult conversations, which are often essential for the growth and development of teachers and students.
Imagine a scenario where you, as a middle leader, are faced with a situation where two team members are consistently at odds, impacting team morale and collaboration. Despite attempts to address the issue, the conflict persists, and it's affecting the overall team dynamic.
The Crux: Deciding What You Really Want
Handling such a delicate situation involves a multitude of considerations, starting with what you genuinely want to achieve through the conversation. It's about addressing the immediate issue and your team members' emotional well-being and preserving your working relationship.
Three Essential Conversations
When dealing with tricky conversations, it's essential to recognise that three conversations are occurring simultaneously. First, there's the "what happened" conversation, focusing on addressing the immediate issue or behaviour that needs correction. Then, there's the emotional conversation, which touches on the feelings and emotions involved in the situation. Finally, there's the identity conversation, which relates to how individuals perceive themselves in their roles.
What Do You Really Want?
As a middle leader, it's crucial to consider what you genuinely want from this conversation. In many cases, in the first instance, you just want things to change. You want to address the issue directly and have it fixed. Often, conversations that directly address the issue and the corrective nature of what needs to change never lead to change, and you find yourself repeating the same conversation after only a short period of time has passed.
For your team member, you may wish for them to regain confidence in their abilities and ensure that they understand the importance of fair assessment practices. For yourself, you may want to resolve the issue quickly and without unnecessary escalation. Regarding the relationship, you might seek to rebuild trust and ensure that the actions taken benefit the entire team, not just one cohort.
Determining the Right Conversation
To ensure the conversation's success, leaders should consider finding a mutual purpose -some common ground you can have a conversation around.
To work this out, you will need to get really clear on three things:
Why do you want to have this conversation - what is at stake here for you? What is it you really want?
Lean into empathy and ask what this is really about for your team members. What is it they really want? What is the unmet need here?
Determine what you really want for your relationship going forward.
From this point, it is advised that you choose one of these things, and it will become the purpose of your conversation. The conversation will not be about the behaviour but what you are both striving to achieve. Your mutual purpose.
For example:
Two team members are consistently at odds, impacting team morale and collaboration. Despite attempts to address the issue, the conflict persists, affecting the overall team dynamic.
Conversations about the conflict have clearly not had an impact on the behaviour. So what is this really about? You will need to dig a little deeper to unearth the root cause behind this. Think of the three essential conversations mentioned above.
What Happened Conversation:
Scenario: The ongoing clash between team members disrupts team morale and collaboration.
Objective: Address the immediate issue of consistent conflict, understanding specific incidents and behaviours that contribute to the discord.
Approach: Investigate the root causes of their disagreements, identifying instances that require correction or mediation to restore team synergy.
Emotional Conversation:
Scenario: The unresolved conflict is affecting the emotional well-being of team members and creating tension within the team.
Objective: Delve into the feelings and emotions involved, acknowledging the impact of the conflict on individuals' morale and team dynamics.
Approach: Provide a platform for team members to express their emotions, concerns, and frustrations, fostering an environment where emotional needs are heard and validated.
Identity Conversation:
Scenario: The persistent conflict may be shaping how team members perceive themselves within the team.
Objective: Explore how the ongoing discord is influencing the individuals' sense of identity and role within the team.
Approach: Facilitate a conversation about team members' self-perceptions and expectations, aiming to redefine their roles and contributions in a way that fosters collaboration rather than conflict.
By addressing these three essential conversations, leaders can gain a comprehensive understanding of the underlying dynamics. And then choose what conversation they need to have. Fostering a more effective resolution to the ongoing conflict and creating a foundation for improved team collaboration.
Setting the conversation up for success.
To ensure the conversation's success, middle leaders should consider several factors. These factors include identifying potential triggers for the other person in the conversation, understanding their expectations, determining the best approach to initiate the conversation, and clarifying the purpose and desired outcome of the discussion.
Triggers: Middle leaders should be aware of potential triggers that might cause the other person to become defensive. Understanding these triggers can help create a safe and open space for discussion.
Expectations: Think about what the other person might expect from the conversation. This can help you tailor your approach to minimize defensiveness and encourage a more productive dialogue.
Approach: Consider how you will approach the conversation. Will it be a face-to-face discussion or an email? Choosing the right approach is crucial in setting the tone for the conversation.
Clarity: Clearly communicate the purpose and desired outcome of the conversation. Articulate your intentions to prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone involved is on the same page.
Clear Is Kind
One of the most critical takeaways for middle leaders is that being clear in your communication is an act of kindness. When you initiate a difficult conversation, you must not only address the issue at hand, you must also express your desires and intentions. This approach allows everyone involved to move forward with a shared understanding and a greater chance of resolving the matter amicably.
Middle leaders must navigate a complex landscape that requires effective communication and conflict-resolution skills. Tricky conversations are an inevitable part of the role, and mastering them is essential for the success and harmony of the team. Middle leaders can lead these discussions with confidence and empathy by understanding what they genuinely want from a conversation, identifying triggers, managing expectations, choosing the right approach, and maintaining clarity. Effective communication paves the way for growth, collaboration, and a positive work environment.
