Do you find yourself having the same conversation again and again?

In my work with Middle and Senior leaders in the BETTER Conversations Program, I find this frustration shared across all groups.

• Repetitive and reactive conversations are a symptom of conversations based on these three habits.

• Our stories are centred around how we feel, and we present those feelings as facts.

• We play the blame game or attribute our feelings to others. "you made me so mad…"

• We use labels to shortcut the story. "she doesn't like me" or "He always does that".

We all do it; it's the social norm of linguistic patterns we grew up with.

Did you know that conversations are composed of 7% listening, 38% speaking and 55% nonverbal prompts? They are multidimensional, not linear and comprised of what we think, what we say, what we mean, what others hear and how we feel about it afterwards.

Over the last five years, I have asked thousands of people what their biggest challenge is when it comes to conversations at work. In doing this research, we have found these key challenge themes:

• Listening deeply in conversations

• Feeling like you are not being heard

• Asking questions that deepen the conversation

• When and how you enter the conversation