The Power of Desire
Rethinking Goals, Systems, and Fulfillment
Part of my role as a coach was to coach the person, not the problem, to help people clarify what was most important to them and make the changes to move towards their desired outcomes. We did that by setting goals and taking action around those goals. As long as we set the right goals, we will make a difference.
But I've always struggled with goals.
Maybe it's just me (probably not), or perhaps there's something inherently elusive about goals. They've always felt lofty and untethered to me. So, I got curious.
The definition of "goal", according to Dictionary.com, is "A goal is an objective or target that someone is trying to reach or achieve." Yep, that's my experience of a goal, and while helpful, it often fell apart at the action stage. Then, about three years ago, when I read James Clear's "Atomic Habits," I came across this gem:
"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."
It all fell into place. Opportunities are often lost when we focus on the wrong goal or diminish the potency of a goal by setting one that is too big. Again, it is useful; we will achieve our goals if we have better systems. Nice.
So, how do we get that performance drive and the edge to life?
When I learned more about goal architecture from Brendon Burchard in his Growth Day LA workshop at the start of this year, it all fell into place. I fully understood where the dissonance with goals lay for me.
Instead, you must find the connection between the action and the desire. Sometimes, there are two degrees of separation between action and desire. You must make that connection; otherwise, your goal will have less meaning.
Our desires are often buried beneath societal expectations, external pressures, and fleeting ambitions. Consequently, each day becomes subject to randomness, lacking the structure and purpose necessary for meaningful progress.
Many of us operate in what can be termed "task land" – a realm where achievements abound, but fulfilment remains elusive. This phenomenon arises from a fundamental flaw in our goal architecture. We start with goals, move on to tasks, and neglect the crucial step of aligning our actions with our desires.
To break free from this cycle, we must reframe our approach to goal-setting and use a different goal architecture.
Instead of starting with goals or tasks, we should begin with desires – the deep-seated longings that define our aspirations. What do we truly want at this stage of our lives?
Once we've identified our desires, the next step is establishing routines that align with them. These routines are the scaffolding for our journey, guiding our actions and shaping our habits. They provide the framework within which our desires can manifest into reality. Ask, what routines, daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly, do I need to put in place to align with my desire?
Only after laying this groundwork should we set specific goals. These goals are not arbitrary targets but milestones designed to propel us toward our desires. They are informed by our routines and grounded in the clarity of our deepest aspirations.
So, how do we get clarity on our desires?
Clarity on desires emerges from introspection across four key areas:
Self: What do we want for ourselves at this juncture in life? It's essential to tune into our innermost aspirations and define our personal path to fulfilment.
Skills: What skills must we develop to align with our desires? Continuous learning and growth are vital components of our journey toward self-actualisation.
Social: How do we envision our interactions with others? Building meaningful connections and fostering positive relationships contribute to our overall well-being and sense of belonging.
Service: How can we make a difference and serve with excellence? Contributing to something larger than ourselves adds purpose and meaning to our lives.
In essence, true progress stems from aligning our actions with our desires. By prioritising desires over goals, establishing routines that support them, and embracing a mindset of continuous improvement, we can cultivate a life of fulfilment and purpose.
As we navigate the complexities of our aspirations, let us remember James Clear's words: "The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game." Let us commit to the process of endless refinement and unwavering dedication to our deepest desires.
